Serendipity

(with apologies to Maurice Sendak)

The night Mike wore his lab coat,
and made scientific discoveries of one kind and another,
the denialists called him a fraudster
and Mike said: “I’ll prove you wrong!”
So they sent his emails to the media without any context.
That very night on his blog,
a jungle of obfuscating comments grew,
and grew,
until the discussions became enflamed,
and spilled out into the internet all around.
And an ocean of journalists tumbled by,
with a high public profile for Mike,
and he argued away through night and day,
and in and out of weeks,
and almost over a year,
everywhere the denialists are.
And whenever he came to a place where the denialists are,
they talked their terrible talking points,
and quoted their terrible quotes,
and showed their terrible cherry picking,
and demonstrated their terrible ignorance.
Until Mike said “Be still!”
and tamed them with his Nature trick
of showing them actual data sets without blinking once.
And they were baffled, and called him the biggest denialist of all,
and declared him king of the denialists.
“And now”, said Mike, “let the data speak for itself.”
And he sent the denialists off to look at the evidence without their talking points.
Then Mike, the king of all denialists said,
“I’m lonely”,
and wanted to be where someone actually appreciated rational discussion.
Then all around, from far away, across the world
He saw evidence of good solid scientific work.
So he said “I’ll give up arguing with the denialists”
But the denialists cried
“Oh please don’t stop – we’ll eat you up, we need you so”.
And Mike said “No!”
And the denialists talked their terrible talking points,
and quoted their terrible quotes,
and showed their terrible cherry picking,
and demonstrated their terrible ignorance.
But Mike stepped back into his research, and waved goodbye.
And worked on, almost over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day,
in the sanity of his very own lab.
Where he found his peer-reviewed papers waiting for him.
And they were all accepted.

(PS, if you’ve no idea what this is referring to, trust me, you’re better off not knowing)

Update: I should have added a link to an even better humorous response! And this one too!